Contact Us
Got a question? Concern? Complaint? Fantastic! We'll be sure to get to it—eventually. Maybe.
Office Hours
Monday: 11:00 AM - 11:15 AM (if we feel like it)
Tuesday: Closed for "team-building exercises" (brunch)
Wednesday: 2:00 PM - 2:15 PM (unless it's sunny, then we're "out of office")
Thursday: Closed for "important administrative tasks" (naps)
Friday: Open by appointment only—appointments must be booked 6-8 months in advance.
Saturday & Sunday: Don't even think about it.
Address
123 Nowhere Lane
Suite 404 (because you won't find us)
Deserted Town, ZZ 99999
Phone Number
1-800-NO-HELP (Press 1 to be ignored, Press 2 to be put on hold indefinitely)
